Monday, July 12, 2010

Giving Up

Ever since I first moved out of my mom's house, I've always had this picture in my mind of what I want my house to look like. I get really excited about decorating & I love interior design. I also love organizing & I love being able to go to a specific drawer for something and actually find it there. That's an amazing feeling!!!

The thing is...I'm not a real cleaning-type of person. I've never really been disciplined with chores, laundry, keeping up with the mail (at work it's a different story), etc. My mom, to this day, still tells the story of when I was a little girl and I lost my chore cards. Let me explain...she made my sister and I these cards that were basically 3x5 index cards that had our chores written on them. That way, we would remember what we were supposed to do throughout the week. Well, I was only about 3 years old and not yet able to read, so my mom (being the talented artist that she is!) drew "action pictures" of the chores on my chore cards. She drew a little cartoon of me (which was really cute, by the way) acting out my chores. For instance, one card had a drawing of me folding laundry, another card had a picture of me drying the dishes, one had me cleaning my room, and so on. Anyway, somehow amidst the chore-doing & my getting sidetracked, I lost my cards. My poor mother, she really did try to teach me how to clean. But for some reason, I just didn't catch on!!!

So, back to the point of this post...I got to thinkin' tonight as I was cleaning off my bed (as I do every night; my unmade bed, by the way) that I am coming to terms with the fact that my house is probably never going to look like those pictured in magazines and on other people's blogs here online. So much of my life has been consumed with me trying to get my house in order...and I'm talking YEARS!!! But the thing is that real human beings live here. And I have a package of Boogie Wipes on my coffee table. And I've been working on getting my studio remodeled for the past 3 months! And our bathroom counter has stuff on it that never goes into drawers, like our brushes, toothpaste, face wash, moisturizer, a container of bobby pins, lotion, and the list goes on. But we use those things every day! Why put them in a drawer just to take them out every morning and night?

Tonight, as I was standing on my bed to close the blinds on the window & put the box of clothes for storage down on the other side of the bed, it dawned on me that I need to stop letting this consume me! I really need to just live our life. Yes, there are things that need to be done. But I realized that I'm constantly so consumed with having everything perfectly placed, that I have neglected the every day stuff that needs to be done. So, I stood there on my bed and I said the same prayer that I said when I realized I couldn't make my body have a baby: "God, if you want this house to look perfectly clean and be organized, You are gonna have to do it. I don't have control and I'm giving up."

So, that's it. I'm giving up! No, it doesn't mean that my house is going to end up in shambles. But it means that I'm gonna just live life and not worry with how my house looks to other people. Sure, I would love for it to be spic and span clean so that anyone could go into any room at any time and me not be embarrassed! But that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna be satisfied with the fact that our kitchen counter has stuff on it all the time & our kitchen table is never used for meals at this point in our lives because we hardly ever cook or eat at home. And I'm okay with that.

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